We are into the sixth week of school and my first-grade son is having some real separation anxiety issues. He cries every day when I drop him off. What can I do?
Signed,
Rena
Dear Rena:
Around eight o'clock every morning, thousands of parents face the "Drop-Off Blues" as their little ones sob their way to the classroom door. It's hard on everyone, including the teacher, who has to teach a hurting child who's blaming her for depriving him of his longed-for home and Mommy.
When kids are unhappy, most parents want to help them feel better as quickly as possible. We do our best to explain why they can't have what they want, whether it's another bedtime story, a trip to the toy store or a chance to stay home where it's safe and familiar. I call this "Act Two" parenting; we think that if we can convince a child that his desire is unrealistic or wrong, he'll stop being upset.
But without feeling heard and understood, children aren't receptive to our well-intentioned advice.
Find a time when your child is happy and relaxed, and ask him what it's like when you drop him off. Don't respond with logical remarks like, "Everybody has to go to school" or "Don't you want to learn how to read?" Be empathic and encourage him to offload his feelings. "Oh sweetie, I'm sorry it's so hard for you. You feel so sad when you want Mommy."
When he feels heard, he'll be more receptive to your input. Focus on what you'll do together when you pick him up. Ask him what might help in the moments he most misses you. Look for ways to volunteer in the classroom (unless that would make it worse).
Raising kids doesn't require that we always find solutions to their difficulties. It does mean that we comfort them through their tears and sorrow. Often, when a child knows we understand, they magically find ways through their sadness and grief to acceptance. Meanwhile, empathize with him instead of engaging in negotiations en route to school. And of course do make sure there's nothing going on in the classroom -- other than missing you -- that deserves your attention.
Simon Hughes, 5, with the 800-pound alligator he killed. Credit: Michael Paulsen, Houston Chronicle / AP
Did you hear about the Hughes boy? He just killed himself a 'gator.
How embarrassing -- for the alligator.
Think about it. You're this 800-pound, 12-foot long killer who strikes terror in the hearts of your fellow marshland creatures (possibly, given your average life span, since the Eisenhower administration). And you're killed by a kindergartner who still has to ride in a child-safety seat.
On the other hand, that's one kindergartner who doesn't have to worry about bullies this year. The Houston Chronicle reports that Simon Hughes, 5, killed the second largest alligator in Texas history Sept. 24. He didn't even have leave home to do it.
The massacre occurred in a marshy section of his family's ranch near Goodrich, Texas, about an hour north of Houston. "Everything out on our ranch will either bite you or stick you," Simon's father, Scott Hughes, told Fox 26 News in Houston.
At first glance, it wasn't a fair fight. Simon weighs 40 pounds, The alligator weighed as much as a Harley Davidson motorcycle. However, the boy's single-barrel .410-gauge shotgun leveled the playing field. Simon told Fox News he planted a load of buckshot right behind the critter's eyes.
Even if you're an 800-pound alligator, that's bound to ruin your day.
Simon has been handling firearms since he was 4. "I think it's in my blood," he told Fox News.
"That's the way it is in rural areas," his father told the Houston Chronicle. "We don't think of guns as playthings or something used in video games."
Simon's grandparents have run a catfish restaurant in Goodrich for the past 27 years. June Hughes is glad she didn't know what her son and grandson were up to that Saturday.
"If had known they was out there in a rowboat with that 'gator, I couldn't function, I imagine," she told Fox News.
The cheerleaders at Lakeview-Fort Oglethorpe High School in Georgia are big fans of God.
The squad used to hoist banners sporting the Lord's personal endorsement. Now, signs that include Bible verses and slogans, such as "God loves our cheerleaders," have been banned.
In 2000, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled a high school in Texas had to end pre-game prayers. Justices said the prayers amounted to a public institution imposing religious values in conflict with the protections of the First Amendment.
Here's the Chattanooga, Tn. News Channel 9 take on the issue:
The cheerleaders' spiritual banners have been a tradition at the Georgia high school -- 95 miles north of Atlanta on the Tennessee border -- for the many years. Football players burst through the banners as they run onto the field.
Removing the banners has both saddened and enraged members of the community of 11,000 people (counting both Lakeview and Fort Oglethorpe).
"It broke my heart to tell those girls they could not display that message on the football field," Catoosa County School District Superintendent Denia Reese told ABC News. "Personally, I appreciate their expression of their Christian values."
However, she added, she has a duty to protect the district from lawsuits.
Even the parent who first raised concern over the banners told ABC News she hates to see them go. She, too, said she was concerned primarily with legalities.
"I did call the superintendent to express concern that the cheerleaders' signs be done in such a way that all involved were within the ever-changing and very confusing lines drawn by the federal courts about such things," the mother, Donna Jackson, told ABC News.
Students plan on expressing their faith anyway. Many of them, not just cheerleaders, plan on holding banners expressing religious sentiments before the games -- but 100 yards from the actual football stadium.
District officials, students and parents are still unhappy that the banners have been banned.
"I hate it," Lakeview-Fort Oglethorpe High School Principal Jerry Ransom told ABC News.
What do you think? Should God be part of public school?
Enrique Gonzalez allegedly had his son tattooed with a gang symbol. Credit: Fresno Police Department / AP
A California judge ruled that a Fresno man accused of giving his 7-year-old son a gang tattoo will not face charges of aggravated mayhem, which would have carried a life sentence.
Enrique Gonzalez, 26, was arrested in April when the boy's mother, Tequisha Oloizia, discovered the quarter-sized mark on the boy's hip -- in the shape of a dog's paw, a symbol of Fresno's notorious Bulldogs street gang, according to The Associated Press,
Gonzalez allegedly told her that it was just a misunderstanding and that he would have it covered with flesh-covered ink.
Gonzalez, 26, and a friend, Travis Gorman, were originally charged with aggravated mayhem, a felony that can result in a life sentence. Defense lawyers argued that the tattoo was no different than circumcision or piercing the ears of a baby girl, according to the AP. The charge of aggravated mayhem was dismissed Oct. 2.
Gonzalez and Gorman still face up to 10 years in jail and are now charged with child endangerment, according to the AP. Because the tattoo is a gang symbol, the two are also charged with enhancements related to gang activity.
Case law required that a certain level of permanent disfigurement be present in order to warrant a charge of aggravated mayhem, according to the AP, and Fresno County Superior Court Judge Hillary Chittick ruled in favor of the defense assertion that a small tattoo does not rise to the level dictated by the law.
Police there have been engaged in a three-year battle with the gang, sweeping neighborhoods and announcing arrests to the media, according to the AP story.
The tattoo. Credit: Fresno Police Department / AP
In California, tattooing a child under the age of 18 typically results in a misdemeanor charge.
Public opinion about the story is heated, according to the AP. "I had mothers calling me from Australia wanting to get this guy," said Det. Jesse Ruelas.
Law professor Laurie Levenson, director of the Center for Ethical Advocacy at Loyola Law School told the AP that Gonzalez could argue that he didn't intend to harm his son.
"It's an interesting issue," Levenson said. "I don't think kids belong to their parents. You can give a child the haircut you want him to have, but you can't permanently disfigure a child."
Natural peanut butter isn't the only option for your child. Credit: Wendy Andrews, Flickr
The peanut-butter aisle used to be a simple place. In fact it wasn't an aisle, there were just a few jars -- the kind Mom used to use, and the other kind. But now there's a panoply of peanut (and other nut-) butters, none of which my regular-peanut-butter-loving children will eat.
And if we're telling the truth, does anyone relish the separated kind of peanut butter where the oil floats on top and gets all over your hands as you try in vain to stir it without having it run down the side of the jar? But the natural kind looks so ... healthy. It seems like the peanut butter that gets you an A+ in lunch-making.
But is it wrong to give the kids what they want, which incidentally is the same brand Mom used to buy?
British researchers found kids who eat candy every day may end up as criminals. Credit: D Sharon Pruitt, Flickr
Some researchers in Great Britain warn the scariest thing this Halloween might be the kid with a bag full of candy and a wicked gleam in his eyes.
Conclusions of a study funded by Britain's Economic and Social Research Council were just published in the October edition of the British Journal of Psychiatry: Daily candy consumption is linked to violent crime.
Researchers looked at more than 17,000 children born in 1970 who ate candy daily at the age of 10. The study says 69 percent of the children were arrested for violent crimes by the age of 34.
Historically, researchers may be on to something. Adolf Hitler allegedly ate large amounts of chocolate and pastries, often to the exclusion of a balanced diet. In their book about serial killer Ted Bundy, "The Only Living Witness," authors Stephen G. Michaud and Hugh Aynesworth reported that Bundy had a similar craving for sweets.
Researchers of the new study told The Associated Press their findings are interesting but require more investigation, according to a story on MSNBC.com.
"It's not that the sweets themselves are bad, it's more about interpreting how kids make decisions," Simon Moore of University of Cardiff, and one of the study's authors, told the news service.
Moore told the AP parents don't need to cut off the candy supply for fear of turning their children into Attila the Hun. This is an incredibly complex area," he added. "It's not fair to blame it on the chocolate."
What do you think? Could candy bars turn Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde?
Moms who work outside the home don't have time for a healthy lifestyle, study says. Credit: moriza, Flickr
Get your boxing gloves out, ladies, there's a new salvo being fired in the Mommy Wars -- a study out of Britain reveals that kids of working mothers aren't as healthy as children whose moms who stay at home.
A study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health showed that British kids whose moms worked outside the home drank more sugary drinks, walked to school less often, watched TV and used the computer more frequently than kids who had a stay-at-home parent, according to The Baltimore Sun.
Kids of working moms also lose out when it comes to nutrition -- the study showed that they ate fewer fresh fruits and veggies.
Researchers speculate that working mothers have less time to ensure that their offspring are eating right and getting enough exercise, according to the story.
And surprise, surprise -- it may also mean that those women have less time to take care of themselves.
More than half of British and American women enter the workforce after having kids, according to the Sun. The study did not take into account the health of kids who have stay-at-home dads, whose numbers may be rising due to the recession. Mark Perry, an economist at the University of Michigan at Flint, told the Sun that the unemployment rate for men is running 2.7 percentage points higher than for women.
Is this just another excuse to pit moms against one another, or does this research ring true for you?
Love Twitter? So do we! It can be tough to keep tabs on all your favorite "Tweeters" from the "Twitterverse" -- but don't worry, we've got you covered! Here's our favorite parenting Tweets of the week, raw and uncensored, typos and all, just as you see them on Twitter. Follow ParentDish on Twitter to join the discussion (who knows, maybe we'll feature you here!).
Jenna Jameson: The mommy blogger? Credit: Getty Images
Former porn star Jenna Jameson has turned her talents to blogging, mommy blogging.
If ever there was a way to get men to start reading so-called mommy blogs, this is it.
Jameson is one of the most successful adult-film stars of all time. She has been credited with helping to make pornography more mainstream, according to Wikipedia.
She also appears to have a sense of humor, having responded to a Bill O'Reilly attack with the following e-mail:
"I hope Bill understands the difference between a porn star and a hooker. I assume he has done some research on the subject because he requested some of my videos after we finished taping my appearance. I imagine he wanted them for professional reasons."
She is also the mother of twin boys, Jesse Jameson Ortiz and Journey Jette Ortiz.
Whether or not Jameson will be able to pull off a great blog is unclear. As of this writing, a bunch of entries have been posted. One, titled "Say NO! to baby battle scars!," extols the virtues of Keihl's Creme de Corps in the fight against stretch marks. Although at first the post seemed to be a bit of a commercial for the lotion, Jameson also tells readers that, "In reality, having stretch marks isn't that big of a deal, considering all we have to do to earn them. So do your best to prevent them, bt [sic] don't beat yourself up if you get them... after all, you should be proud." In the same post, she tells us the 10 thoughts that entered her mind when she found out she was pregnant, two of which were "I'm scared." So give her points for honesty.
Judging by the comments, the site has already attracted male readers. "Gary" writes: "my wife totally would love this product. thank you soooo much. i love the blog idea too...."
We're sure that your wife will be interested to know where you found this little skin care tip, Gary.
While we don't want to risk the wrath of the father of Jameson's babies, mixed martial-arts champ Tito Ortiz, we do think that perhaps Jameson could hire a Web designer to help fix some of the mistakes on the site, such as replacing the default Wordpress settings ("Your blog description here"), and fixing the dead links on the HouseOfJameson.com home page.
All of that may be overlooked, however. Jameson is a big enough star that people are going to at least give her blogging efforts a shot no matter what. She may also be tapping into an anti-celebrity mom trend. A commenter on Jezebel wrote, "I'd rather read her take on mothering than Gwyneth Paltrow's any day."
What do you think? Are you interested in Jenna Jameson, Mommy Blogger?
Fox News Channel Anchor Megyn Kelly has given birth to a 7 pounds, 10 ounce bouncing baby boy.
His name is Edward Yates Brunt, but "they will be calling him Yates -- named after his two grandfathers," according to our source. Congratulations to Kelly and her family.
Ironically, Kelly's last on-air piece for Fox News was a list of five things you should never say to a pregnant woman. All of which were said to her.
"Wow -- you're huge"?
Kelly politely declines to name names, but she does say that at least one of the comments was made by one of her fellow Fox News anchors, and that it was a guy.
Let the guessing game begin.
What's the worst thing someone said to you when you were pregnant?
An elementary school teacher in upstate New York may have told a student to turn his Yankees shirt inside out. Credit: Oscalito, Flickr
Sports are fun, and we're all in favor of team spirit. But one elementary school teacher may have taken his love of the Boston Red Sox too far.
Nathan Johns is a fourth-grade Yankee fan at Van Buren Elementary in Baldwinsville, N.Y. Nathan told Syracuse Online that when his teacher, Peter Addabbo, noticed he was wearing a New York Yankees jersey in class -- number 52 for pitcher C.C. Sabathia -- Mr. Addabbo told him to turn the shirt inside out.
The 9-year-old thought Addabbo was joking, but it quickly became clear the teacher was not. Addabbo reportedly "has Boston Red Sox paraphernalia all over the classroom," according to the report on Syracuse Online.
(What happened to the Separation Between Sports and State? Isn't that in the constitution or something?)
Nathan was then told to wear his shirt inside out for the remainder of what the boy called a "horrible" day at school.
Nathan's parents were "shocked" when their son told them what happened. They have met with the school principal, and were satisfied that she was taking the accusation seriously. No action will be taken until the Baldwinsville School District finishes investigating the incident.
"From a district perspective, we would never support something like that," Superintendent Jeanne Dangle told the local news outlet on Friday. "But we don't have all the facts yet."
Facts, schmacts. The Yankees front office heard about what happened and the team is planning to send the young fan a gift package, according to Syracuse Online. (The Yanks have a new stadium, they can afford it.)
Bad behavior is not uncommon at baseball stadiums, and Boston's Fenway Park is no exception. In this video, a Yankee fan tries to enjoy the game, but the Sox faithful don't cooperate. (Video sort of safe for work.)
But those are baseball stadiums, where drunken displays of fandom are all too common. Not condoned, but not a surprise. An elementary school classroom is a place where we can, and should, expect better behavior. Especially from the teacher.
An elementary school teacher in update New York may have told a student to turn his Yankees shirt inside out. Credit: SXC
Australian kids who want to skip visits with dad may find themselves without video games, television or other favorite pastimes.
A judge has ordered a mother to deny her children privileges until they comply with a court order requiring them to spend time with their father.The judge said noncustodial parents need to "positively encourage" visitation and start "removing privileges if the child was defiant," according to an article in The Australian.
The father asked the court to intervene when his children chose to walk home to their mother's house rather than meet him for a scheduled after-school visit. The 43-year-old dad later received a call from his ex who told him the boys, aged 11 and 12, "did not wish to go with them,"according to the article.
The problem is "very prevalent" among American fathers as well,Mitchell K. Karpf, chair of the American Bar Association's Family Law section, told ParentDish.
Judges here have the power to enact similar rulings after a divorce, he said.
"Mom does have an obligation to say you're going to see your dad and if you don't your grounded," said Karpf, who practices in Florida.
Judges also can take parents to task for badmouthing former spouses or preventing visitation.
A Florida court once ordered a mother to tell her children that it was "her desire" that they see and love their father, Karpf said. Encouraging children to maintain relationships with both parents makes sense, according to the American Psychological Association. Children in joint custody arrangements have fewer behavior issues, do better in school and have higher self esteem, according to a 2002 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology.
The Today Show did a shocking segment on Anita Tedaldi, "a woman who adopted a child and then gave him up 18 months later." Tedaldi is a writer who originally told this story on The New York Times' Motherlode blog.
She and her husband have five biological children and decided that they wanted more. After going through the approval process, she was able to adopt a baby who was found by the side of a road. Despite her pre-adoption belief that she would "be able to parent this little boy the same way I had done with my biological daughters," she terminated the adoption after 18 months.
Because she couldn't bond with him, she said.
Asked by Matt Lauer what this means, Tedaldi was somewhat vague and did manage to blame the baby. "It went both ways," she said in the interview. "The child, D., wasn't connecting with us."
What on earth is she talking about? Without giving us particulars, we're left to wonder what went on in that house for a year-and-a-half? Was Baby D. not a hugger? Did he not smile? What does it mean exactly that an infant is not bonding with his mother?
Lauer really missed the boat by not pressing this question. And Tedaldi, but averting a direct explanation, came off as a despicable human being.
Writing about the story, Today Show correspondent Natalie Morales thinks that we shouldn't be too quick to judge the woman. Many commenters on the Today Show website agree.
But what no one is saying is that ultimately this story is about the one thing that it shouldn't be about -- Anita Tedaldi. One of the not-discussed-enough aspects of the mommy blogosphere is how often it becomes All About Mom. This story is a classic case of that.
Not only did Tedaldi give back a baby she had decided to adopt, she actually says that the baby shares some of the responsibility for this lack of bonding. Is it possible that it's just damn hard to raise a baby when you already have a house full of children? And that Tedaldi didn't realize this until the child arrived?
Explain it to us, lady. What happened?
Ironically, Tedaldi used to feel the same way we did, and wrote a column for Military.com called "We Can't Trade In Our Children or Husbands" back in January 2008. (Military.com has pulled the piece, but the Adoption Talk blog has some of the text.) Now that she has had this experience, she feels differently.
Hey, no harm no foul, right?
But there is harm. There is a baby involved here.
In the original Times blog, Tedaldi wrote that she "wasn't connecting with [the baby] on the visceral level I experienced with my biological daughters."
Perhaps that was part of the problem? She wanted to duplicate her parenting experience with her older kids frame-for-frame. We have no way of knowing unless we hear details.
Many are praising this mom for her honesty. We can't help but wonder how much of the story she decided not to share with the world.
Think you're a candy expert? Think again. ParentDish tapped top candy retailers, manufacturers and connoisseurs to get the 411 on the hottest Halloween treats out there. Check out their recommendations, turn your porch light on and be the No. 1 destination for all the trick-or-treaters in your neighborhood. And don't forget to sneak a piece for yourself.
We know wax fangs aren't the tastiest Halloween treat, but they are a great way to scare the witch's hat off trick-or-treaters. Remember these from when you were a kid? They were great to gnaw on when all that sugar got to be a little too much. They go perfectly with a vampire costume, of course, and grown-ups look smashing in them, as well. Answer the door wearing a pair and give your trick-or-treaters a spooky thrill!
"This year Halloween is on a Saturday, and that means parties will be going full blast," Dylan Lauren, CEO and founder of Dylan's Candy Bar, told ParentDish. What Halloween party would be complete without a spooky centerpiece? Dylan's Candy Bar offers this deliciously creepy Brain Freeze mold with Gummy Worms. The mold comes with green, apple-flavored candy powder and gummy worms. Mix the powder and worms with warm water, freeze and let the icy green matter float to the top of your punch bowl.
Kids too old to go trick-or-treating, but too young to give up Halloween completely? Throw them a party and serve Twilight Sweethearts, introduced this year by the New England Confectionary Company. Jackie Hague, vice president of marketing, said the company also revamped a nostalgic favorite just in time for Halloween: Necco Wafers are now all natural, with mom-friendly ingredients. Goodbye, high-fructose corn syrup. Hello, cane sugar, milk and pure chocolate.
Who doesn't love Pez? Economy Candy owner Jerry Cohen told ParentDish that these amusing novelty items are hot this year. Based in Orange, Conn., Pez proudly proclaims itself the "pioneer of interactive candy," and its dispensers are popular collectible items for grown-ups and kids alike. We find the kooky Halloween designs -- witches, pumpkins and sweet black cats -- hard to resist. Buy these for the special kids in your life, and maybe you'll start a lifelong hobby, or an eBay addiction.
Economy Candy, located in New York City's historic Lower East Side, has been making trick-or-treaters happy since 1937. Owner Jerry Cohen said that the recession is taking Halloween back to the basics -- simple, time-honored treats like peanut butter kisses and Mary Janes are more popular this year than "massive displays." His shop will be handing out plenty of candy Oct. 31, and Cohen expects to see "hundreds of kids" lining up outside his doors for a chance to collect goodies from this New York institution.
Damon Dahlen, AOL
Do rats creep you out? Us, too. That's why we love this candy rodent made by Jelly Belly. While these rats may be slightly more ominous than the gourmet jelly beans the company is best known for, they are still up to the candy-maker's high standards. Each 3-ounce, 9-inch rat offers 100 percent of the recommended daily dose of vitamin C, and comes in four yummy flavors: Cherry, orange, marshmallow and licorice. Channel your inner Ozzy Osbourne this year and bite the head off of one of these babies. Next year maybe they'll do the bat.
Skip the peanut butter cups this year and give your trick-or-treaters something a little more retro-cool. The Abba-Zaba is made of thick, rich taffy with a peanut butter center and comes in two flavors: Original and sour apple. Made by the Annabelle Candy Co. Inc., the Abba-Zaba is high in protein, according to that company's Web site, and dates all the way back to the 1920s. Legend has it that this treat is only available west of the Rocky Mountains, but we found them at Economy Candy -- of course.
Remember how you used to skip the houses that gave out the boring stuff like old-fashioned sucking candy? Or worse yet, pennies? Don't earn that reputation. Skip the cuddly gummy bears this year and get gummy brains instead. These smart treats are cool without breaking the bank -- you can buy them by the pound.
Dylan Lauren, founder and CEO of Dylan's Candy Bar, was just 5 years old when she saw "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory" for the first time, and later spent a year in Europe fine-tuning her taste for sweets. In 2001, Lauren, daughter of designer Ralph Lauren, opened the first Dylan's Candy Bar in New York City and now, eight years later, she heads up a candy dynasty. Her favorite childhood Halloween treats? Candy corn and pumpkin mallocremes are my favorites," she told ParentDish via e-mail. "I can eat them every day, but at Halloween, they are the freshest -- soft and chewy, pretty to look at."
Damon Dahlen, AOL
You're never too old for Halloween, especially when you get a look at this artfully arranged party centerpiece of four white-chocolate skulls on a platter overflowing with chocolate spiders and slithery gummy worms. Your soiree will be the talk of the neighborhood when your guests see these frightfully tasty treats up close. The spiders' gleaming red eyes and the gold-leaf dust on the skulls will knock the socks off even the most jaded guys and ghouls.
TLC is dropping Jon Gosselin from his family's reality show. Photo: Getty Images
We can't say we didn't see it coming: TLC announced Tuesday that Jon Gosselin will be leaving Jon Kate Plus 8, and that the show will be renamed simply Kate Plus 8. A source close to Jon told PEOPLE magazine that, "Given Jon's recent antics, there was no way the show could continue to portray him as a doting Dad, not while all this other crap was going on."
Jon's "recent antics," of course, would consist mostly of his very public dating life, which apparently started before he and estranged wife Kate officially separated in June. The couple have been criticized for the way they have handled their breakup, but in recent days Kate -- who had been vilified as the bad guy in the Gosselin house -- has been focusing on her career, appearing as a guest host on The View, and reportedly filming a pilot with Paula Deen. Jon, on the other hand, has been planning his new career as a clothing designer for Ed Hardy, and going to lots of bars with much younger women.
But let's get back to what that inside source said: There's "...no way the show could continue to portray him as a doting dad." We're curious about why that is -- is it because he's not a doting dad? Because viewers don't want to see him as a doting dad? Or because TLC thinks the show will do better if the set up is single working mom Kate and her kids? Whatever the case may be, as of November 2, Kate and the eight will be on their own, at least on TLC.
What do you think -- will you miss Jon Gosselin, or is this just the beginning of the end for the Jon Kate Plus 8 franchise? Will you keep watching once Jon is gone, or have you already changed the channel?
A new study shows that parents lie to their kids often. Credit: m-a-p, Flickr
We tell our kids that lying is flat-out wrong, but a new study shows that parents aren't afraid to fib to their children in order to influence their behavior and emotions.
Researchers Gail Heyman, Diem Luu and Kang Lee set out to examine the subject of parental lying, and according to Science Daily, the team discovered that many parents tell their kids that bad things will happen if they don't behave. In one of two studies the the team conducted, moms and dads told lies that included telling a child that if he didn't eat all his food, he would get pimples.
Other parents reported that they concocted magical creatures to influence their kids' behavior. One mother told researchers: "We told our daughter that if she wrapped up all her pacifiers like gifts, the 'paci-fairy' would come and give them to children who needed them ... I thought it was healthier to get rid of the pacifiers, and it was a way for her to feel proud and special."
A second study examined college students' recollections about their parents' lying practices and got similar results, according to Science Daily.
The bottom line? Parents frequently lie to their kids, while telling them that lying is unacceptable.
"Children sometimes behave in ways that are disruptive or are likely to harm their long-term interests," Heyman told Science Daily. "It is common for parents to try out a range of strategies, including lying, to gain compliance. When parents are juggling the demands of getting through the day, concerns about possible long-term, negative consequences to children's beliefs about honesty are not necessarily at the forefront."
Is lying always wrong, or is it OK to tell our kids lies to get them to behave?
Yang Shuiying and two of her daughters on the front porch of her house in Tianxi village, Guizhou province, China. Another daughter was kidnapped by officials and put up for adoption. Credit: Barbara Demick / Los Angeles Times
Parents in China who are too poor to pay exorbitant fees for violating that country's one-child policy are now accusing government officials of stealing -- and selling -- their babies.
Western parents who adopted children -- mainly little girls -- from China fear that they may have participated in a cruel scheme concocted by corrupt government officials to steal babies from their parents and offer them up for foreign adoption, according to a story in the Los Angeles Times.
According to the newspaper, one child can fetch as much as $3,000 in adoption fees, motivating officials of China's family-planning offices in remote villages to kidnap children from parents who are too poor to pay the fine levied against them for violating the one-child policy.
In China, couples are only permitted to have one child -- two if the first baby is a girl. If they violate this law, they are subject to impossibly high fees of as much as six times their annual income, according to the Times. These fines are called "social-service expenditures" and make up a large part of government funding in rural areas.
"The family planning people are even more powerful than the Ministry of Public Security," Yang Zhizhu, a legal scholar in Beijing, told the newspaper.
The officials took the babies forcibly, and sometimes even falsely asserted that they have been abandoned by their parents. The children were then turned over to an orphanage. Once that happened, parents lost all rights to their children, according to the article.
"We were always terrified of them,"said Yang Shuiying, whose daughter was taken away by a family-planning official in the spring of 2004.
According to the Times, Yang tried to stop the inevitable, but, being alone at the time, she was in no position to physically resist.
Another parent told a similar story. Zhou Changqi's 6-month-old daughter was taken in 2002 by family planning officials in Guiyang, in Hunan province.
The father tried for three years to get into the Changsha Social Welfare Institute, one of the major orphanages sending babies abroad, but they wouldn't allow him in. He was told that his daughter had been sent to America.
This story came to light when a concerned teacher, who has relatives in Tianxi village, reported the confiscations to police. When there was no response, he posted about it on the Internet, according to the Times. His posts were picked up by the Chinese press in July 2009, and he is now in hiding for fear of reprisals. The Times did not identify the teacher by name.
The United States Embassy in China released a statement in July stating that the seven officials suspected in the plot to sell babies for profit have been arrested, according to the Times. "The United States takes seriously any allegation that children were offered for inter-country adoption without their parents' knowledge or consent," the statement read.
According to Adoptive Families magazine, adoption of children from China to the United States began in 1992. In 2007, Americans adopted 5,453 children from China, the largest number from any country outside the U.S.
Babies born in the winter months may be affected by the economic status of their parents Credit: EJP Photo, Flickr
There's plenty of data to show that winter babies don't fare as well in life as children born in other seasons, but new research indicates that the strongest influence on snow babies may be economics.
Studies show that the odds are stacked against winter babes -- they test poorly, are less healthy, have shorter life spans, don't earn as much or get as far in school -- but there is plenty of debate about just why that is the case. Now, however, there may be definitive evidence that it all comes down to family background, according to a story in The Wall Street Journal.
Economists Kasey Buckles and Daniel Hungerman at the University of Notre Dame examined birth-certificate data for 52 million children born between 1989 and 2001, and their work revealed that the percentage of children born to unwed mothers, teen moms and mothers who had not completed high school peaked in January.
Until now, research assumed that the background of kids born in the winter are the same as those of kids born in other seasons. It also suggested that there were other factors in play, according to the Journal.
Were kids born in the winter getting less sun -- and therefore less vitamin D? Were they less socially mature because they were the oldest child in their kindergarten class? Or maybe, as stated in a study published in the medical journal Acta Pædriatica, winter babies had a higher rate of birth defects because there is a higher concentration of pesticides in surface water during the spring and summer, when they were conceived.
Buckles and Hungerman's data indicates that family background may be the single biggest influence on the failure of winter babies to do as well as their peers born in warmer months. If winter babies are born to less educated, less economically stable parents, it is natural to assume that they won't fare as well, according to the Journal.
Did you have a winter baby, and does this research reflect your experiences as a mother?
Charles Sutton, 42, of the Chicago suburb of Maywood, faces charges of felony dogfighting. The day care operated by his wife was shut down. She was not arrested.
In a statement to the press, Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart said his deputies found a dog with its eye ripped out, another with a leg twisted backward and a third with its lower extremities nearly ripped from its body when they raided the house involved in the ring Tuesday.
"Kids were playing on a swing set just 10 feet away from a vicious fighting dog and blood-stained floors," the sheriff said in his statement. "The very equipment used to train these dogs was being kept in the garage right behind the house."
Deputies also raided three other houses in the area, and Dart said they came back with equally horrifying stories. However, to operate a dogfighting operation in the same home as a day care struck the sheriff as particularly vile.
"To be engaged in this sort of activity is disturbing enough, but to take a chance with anyone's children is reprehensible," he said.
Sutton's wife told authorities she was not involved in the dog fighting operation and kept children away from the dogs and the equipment used to train them.
When deputies arrived at the Suttons' home, there were 10 children on the premises as well as an exceptionally aggressive pit bull in the garage, Dart said. In addition to blood on the floor, they also allegedly found syringes, drugs, bite sticks and harnesses used in dogfighting.
Deputies said many of the dogs used in the operation were kept in a nearby house, allegedly operated by Martez Anderson. The 38-year-old ex-convict allegedly charged $60 per month for dogs to be kept at his home, Dart said. He was cited during Tuesday's raid for being a felon in possession of an unspayed or unneutered dog.
Earlier this year, Dart advocated a new law which requires cross-reporting between the Illinois Department of Children and Family services and any animal investigators.
The dogs rescued during Tuesday's raid are now with the Animal Welfare League in Chicago Ridge.
"What was done to these dogs is inexcusable," Dart said in his prepared remarks. "This was done in the name of gambling and greed. and no area seems immune from its influence. We see it in rural farm areas and inner cities.
"Unfortunately, we're also seeing more and more children exposed to this kind of lifestyle."
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